


Please, don't say you love me

by Anytha



Series: Head Canon Prompts [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Pre-Series, Science Babies, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 16:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1134923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anytha/pseuds/Anytha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their graduation and starting their doctorates, Leo and Jemma go for a week trip together. Along the way, they both realize a slight change in the way they see each other but don't know how to deal with it. It takes a bit of liquid courage to let them acknowledge the development in their friendship. Inspired by Gabrielle Aplin's song. Prompt #47-Highway. EDITED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please, don't say you love me

**Author's Note:**

> So..I'm working on my list of prompts and there are many (many) ideas popping in my mind. I've decided to link most (if not all) the prompts together in a big non-linear head canon series.
> 
> I might say that I've already outlined a time line with my last story 'Tis the Season to Be Jolly'.
> 
> For now on, I'll tag the stories with Head canon so that you guys know that there's a common background.
> 
> As for this one..
> 
> I listened to Gabrielle Aplin's song and watched the video with Iain De Caestecker and just.. got it.
> 
> My initial idea for #47 Highway was more or less fleshed out in my head. Seeing the video and listening to the song, just gave it a whole new consistency.
> 
> The story might be very loosely based on the video.
> 
> Please bear with my geographical hints: I live in Italy and have never been in the US. I just a map of Boston-Cambridge and tried to see what I could suit for this fic.
> 
> I hope I didn't get too many things wrong..
> 
> Beware of the fluff. I'm in full mode FitzSimmons puppy-love here.
> 
> I hope you guys like it.. Please, leave a comment.
> 
> P.S: This story has been re-edited. Thanks to StarryDreamer01 who has become my wonderful Beta. :)
> 
> -HEAD CANON SERIES-

* * *

-:-

_Summer comes, winter fades_

_Here we are just the same_

_Don't need pressure, don't need change_

_Let's not give the game away_

-:-

  


It had been her idea to go on a trip.

  


They had both gotten their degrees (earlier as usual, when it came to their studies) and were now going through the first months of their doctorates.

She and Leo had been studying hard and had never in almost two years at MIT, taken a day off from university besides the holidays.

Spring Break was approaching and even though she had never really understood the whole purpose of this American week of leave, she decided that they could go somewhere too. They deserved a week of fun and what was better than having fun together?

When she told this to Leo, he looked torn and she quickly understood his dilemma.

“It will be a road trip,” She said with a smile, as they had dinner together in their dorm room.

“That would mean that we need a car,” Leo remarked. They both got their driving licence when they had gone back home for the holidays and had talked about buying a car together.

“Didn't you have a friend in -what course was that? Robotics?- that had a car? The one that you helped repair-”

“Oh.. Do you mean Tyler? Yeah, he did mention that I could ask whenever I needed it. He barely uses the car nowadays..”

“We really don't have to go that far.. I have seen a couple of places on the map near Boston or going west towards Brighton or Newton: I've read that there are some lovely parks and lake sides. Moreover, that would allow us to camp outside. Remember, Julia Morenson, from my Genetics course? She has a tent and sleeping bags that she would gladly lend us.”

“Hmm.. that would be nice.. and if it rains, we could find a motel or something.” He smiled and Jemma smiled back, seeing that he was showing enthusiasm.

“Yes. In the worst of cases, we'd be sleeping in the car. And it won't cost that much either. We can buy some food and bring it with us and then just see what we need as we travel.”

She got up from her seat, putting the dishes in the sink and turned to him.

  


“So, what do you think about it?”

  


-:-

_There used to be an empty space_

_A photograph without a face_

_But with your presence, and your grace_

_Everything falls into place_

-:-

  


He looked at her and smiled. It was hard not to be affected by her excitement.

A vacation wouldn't be bad after all: they had been concentrating on their studies ever since they got to MIT.

And Jemma seemed to have planned this trip already. He couldn't let her down now, could he?

Especially when she had thoroughly considered all the expenses. She was the only person that knew how careful he was with money.

The scholarship covered all of his academic expenses so he divided the money that his mother and sister sent him every month, keeping a small part for his personal expenses, and sending the rest back home, claiming that it was too much.

He knew that his family wasn't poor but his sister was the only one working steadily at the moment (his mother doing small works from home every now and then, his brother still finishing university) and his mother had monthly medical fees. Even though they were covered by his father's insurance, they should have more money at their disposal for any emergency.

He fared pretty well here with Jemma. She was very careful with their expenses (trait that he greatly admired in her, despite her coming from a wealthy family) and they both earned a little bit tutoring  freshmen (who didn't expect them to be their same age).

And honestly, a week outside MIT with Jemma, seeing places and travelling seemed very appealing and fun.

He grinned at her, helping with the dishes.

  


“I'm all for it.”

  


-:-

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

_Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that_

-:-

  


“ _Leo_..”

“I'm almost done..”

“You said that half an hour ago!”

  


He looked up from the hood of the car with a glare. A glare that would have been menacing if he didn't have greasy streaks on his face.

“Do you want us to travel for a week in a car that I haven't thoroughly checked before and that might have mechanical issues?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Of course not.” She approached him, standing closer to the car. “But I'd rather not have you exhausted tomorrow morning as we leave. I might be confident in driving here but _not_ in driving without someone giving me directions.”

He looked up from the engine and met her gaze.

“I wanted to do this before but-” He scratched his neck and she saw him leave greasy traces there as well. “But I was working on the lecture with Dr. Natsu and finishing the diagnostics for the project with the Electronics department and just couldn't find some spare time..”

He looked at her apologetically and she felt her heart clench.

“Hey..It doesn't matter,” She said softly, nudging his shoulder with her elbow. “Just don't fret and tire yourself. We're off for a vacation: to enjoy ourselves and _relax_. That means that I don't want to see the sleep-deprived, grumbling Leo.” She grinned as he chuckled.

“Just remember to always have a flask of coffee in the car, yeah? In case my grumbling alter-ego appears.”

“I will..though I don't know if I prefer the grumbling Leo to the coffee-hyper one,” She teased.

“Oh, I'm the hyper one now? Should I remind you how _you_ were during finals last summer?”

She blushed and swatted his shoulder with her hand. He laughed from under the hood and she smiled: she liked it when he laughed.

They had both learned that coffee was a substance that they had to consume in limited form otherwise, they would be extremely energetic and hyper for the rest of the day.

“Alright then..” She conceded as his laughs subsided. “One cup of coffee a day at most and then we'll just stick to tea.”

“Deal,” He replied, standing up and cleaning his hands on a cloth. He frowned, noticing his still black hands and then checked his reflection on the car's windscreen, barely lit by a lamp post. “Oh, bloody..”

She snorted as he realized how much grease he had on himself and tried to clean the mess with his long sleeved shirt.

“Hold still,” She said, taking out a handkerchief from her jeans' pocket. “You'll just make a mess of yourself.”

She faced him, putting one hand on his shoulder and gently cleaned his face with the handkerchief. She smiled to herself as he closed his eyes or scrunched his face as she moved the thin cloth around his cheeks, nose and jaw. When she was sure that his face was sufficiently grease-free, she stepped back.

“That's better,” She remarked with a slight nod. He would definitely need a shower but at least, he didn't look as though he had been inside a mine.

“Thanks, Jemma,” He said and smiled at her. She smiled back, feeling a little twinge in her chest as his eyes rested on her. Those blue irises were always clear and bright..

She then noticed a little black streak, right across his jaw. It must have been shadowed somehow and she had missed it.

Without thinking too much, she reached forward and carefully removed the mark with her thumb. She looked up and saw Leo staring at her. His eyes captured her whole attention again.

  


“Hey, Fitz!”

  


She blinked and stepped back, turning to the voice.

  


-:-

  


He blinked for a second and then turned to the voice.

Tyler Jones, fellow student at the Robotics department, walked over, waving.

He held up a hand and waved.

“I should go. He will probably want to talk to you about the car and other mechanical aspects that I won't understand,” Jemma remarked, tucking her handkerchief away in her jacket's pocket.

He stared at her. _What_ had exactly happened a few moments ago? His entire focus had gone to Jemma's gentle touch and her face and he was still a bit confused about it.

“I'll get something ready for dinner, alright? I have packed most of our food but there should be something left out to make some sandwiches. That's good for you, yeah?”

“Yeah..” He replied, still a bit dazed, “See you in ten.”

She nodded with a smile and walked to their dorm. He heard her greet Tyler as she passed by his side and his stare didn't leave her until the American student was by the car.

“So.. car's ok?” Tyler asked.

“Yeah.. I did all the check-ups and nothing is unusual.” He confirmed, closing the hood, “Spark plugs are clean, engine is fine, I refilled the oil..”

“Dude, come on.. I wouldn't have given you a wrecked car.”

“Well.. I did help repair this in first place. I had to check.” Leo smirked at him. “I don't want to be stranded somewhere because the car has broken down. Some mechanical engineer I'd be.”

Tyler snorted and then smirked at him.

“Yeah sure... because you wouldn't want to be stranded anywhere with-” He jerked his thumb. “ _Her_?”

Leo looked at him in mild confusion and then noticed that he was pointing to the direction Jemma had gone.

“What?” He asked.

“Seriously dude.. No offence or anything but just _how_ did you land up living with that hot piece of a-”

“ _Stop it_.”

It came out harsher than he had expected but it did have the effect of shutting up the American. Leo blinked as the sudden wave of rage washed through him. It was happening often recently..

“Chill man..” Tyler said, holding his hands up in surrender with a smile. “I'm not trying to hit on your girl.”

“She's not my-”

“Though.. Had she been a couple of years older, I'd have definitely given it a shot..” Leo glared at him. “Woah, I'm kidding!”

The Scot shook his head, trying to shake off this sudden..protectiveness.

Yes, he was only being protective. Since graduation, Jemma had been receiving more and more looks from the male population on campus and he had heard a few comments as well.

Some of which had made him clench his hands till his knuckles were white..but whatever.

He was being protective. That's all.

“Seriously though..” Tyler looked at him. “You live in the same dorm, do basically _everything_ together... and you never even tried to-?”

“She's my best friend.” Leo remarked, hoping to end this conversation. “She's like family.”

Tyler rolled his eyes unconvinced.

Leo sighed.

  


-:-

_There's no need to worry when you see just where we're at_

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

-:-

  


She quickly arranged the plates on the table, a few sandwiches neatly lying on them. Leo was in his room, changing after having washed the grease off him.

She filled a pitcher with water and sat down at the table, waiting for him.

What _exactly_ had occurred between her and Leo before?

That moment had confused her.

She knew that he was very reluctant for physical contact but had noticed that he had somehow eased up when it came to her. She found herself more at ease with him than with other people too.

It was his stare that had her confused. Those clear eyes were suddenly unreadable to her and that was something that she wasn't used to. More than two years of friendship had brought them to the point where they knew each other like the back of their hands. She could read him and he could do the same with her: they knew each other's quirks, reactions and attitudes.

Not understanding him was thoroughly unsettling.

And _then_ there were those little moments when she didn't understand _herself_ either.

She would find herself watching Leo a bit more, lately, smiling when he smiled or his eyes brightened, noticing the way he moved, talked.. _everything_. It was confusing.

It had been a recurrent event ever since graduation. She had noticed other girls looking his way in campus: freshmen, other doctoral students and even some of the senior students that had blatantly ignored him ( _them_ ) until this moment.

She realized that to their eyes, they weren't the little sixteen year old freshmen any more. After graduation, they became the undergraduate doctoral students, still too young to be there but not too young to be noticed. And, contrary to before when they just made assumptions, people asked her ( _them_ , because she knew that Leo was asked the same question) if they were a couple.

Despite their denial, some didn't believe it.

Like Julia, her Genetics' course friend, who had teased her when she went to pick up the camping material.

“Why two sleeping bags? Honestly, just take one and share.” Her knowing wink had made Jemma blush and stammer the usual -We're not a couple- answer.

Why didn't anyone understand? Even these friends that she was making (after knowing Leo, it had been easier to attempt to open up and speak to others) didn't understand their relationship.

He was her best friend. He was the closest thing that she had to family here.

“Oh, you made the prosciutto with buffalo mozzarella sandwiches again,” Leo said, walking out of his room, fully clean after the shower. His hair was darker, still damp and flew in every direction, shadowing his eyes a bit. She wondered how it would feel to rake her fingers through those curls and then blinked.

_What?_

“Yes..” She replied, shaking off the sudden thought from her head, “You seemed to like them last time.”

He nodded enthusiastically and sat down.

“Did you put your homemade pesto aioli too?”

“Yes, just a hint.”

He grinned at her before taking a bite of his sandwich.

She felt another twinge in her chest but ignored it as she started her dinner too.

  


_-:-_

_Heavy words are hard to take_

_Under pressure precious things can break_

_And how we feel is hard to fake_

_So let's not give the game away_

_-:-_

  


They left early the next morning, Leo driving and Jemma guiding him with a map in her hands. He had suggested using his tablet with updated Maps on it and had rolled his eyes when she claimed that any road trip needed a good old paper map.

Nevertheless, he had his tablet tucked inside his knapsack so that they could use it.

They had opted to go west towards Newton. She had read about a lake with many parks around it and had suggested to go there.

He agreed: going off to the Boston's seashore would have been appealing if it had been warmer. With this spring coolness, lakes and woods were fine.

  


The first few days were mostly about them driving in turns, stopping in random towns to buy food, put gas and go sightseeing. There wasn't really much to see besides the landscape or the parks and the occasional small museum or exhibition but they delved into it. Having never seen anything outside Britain or their campus, this was the first of the US they were actually seeing first-hand.

Leo was enjoying himself. Even though he didn't share Jemma's sheer enthusiasm over biological aspects of their sightseeing -she could list _all_ the animals and micro-organisms that lived in these areas. He had shuddered when she started talking about insects and reptiles in a park- he could share her interest in the arts or architecture. He could admire a beautiful landscape and appreciate it.

“So, if we go on this way, we should get to Crystal Lake in a few hours.” Jemma emerged from behind the map, broad smile on her face. He felt a smile make its way onto his face too.

“There's a wide area for campers,” He added, remembering what he had read when he researched for information from his tablet the night before in the double room they had rented in a motel. “We can set up the tent and be ready by night.”

“I can't wait!” Jemma put the map in her bag and twisted in her seat, sitting cross-legged and still strapped to the seat-belt.

She could manage such a feat only because she was so small. Had he tried something like that, he would have probably strangled himself with the belt.

Her lithe build allowed her to occupy as little space as possible. He noticed this when they watched a film together and she sat next to him, legs tucked beneath her or hugging her knees. When she occasionally fell asleep, she would drop her head on his shoulder, weightless to him, or slide down, her head resting on the couch's armrest or by his thigh, head or hair barely brushing him.

She was just _so_ small next to him.

They had been the same height when they met; somewhere along the line, they grew up and he gained a few inches over her. He was still scrawny but he was male and bigger than her.

And as he glanced at her now as he drove, sitting opposite him with wisps of caramel hair flying in the wind and that smile on her face, he couldn't help but wonder how this small, delicate looking, genius English girl had managed to understand him and had become so important to him..

He blinked.

_What?_

“I haven't gone camping in years: I used to go often with my parents during summer vacation. I was probably ten last time.. What about you?”

“Er-..” He concentrated on her question, mentally shaking the previous, random and terribly confusing thoughts. “I was eight. Last summer vacation with my Dad.”

“Oh.. Leo.. I didn't want to-” Jemma said softly and he turned to her. Her eyes had clouded, an apology clear in them and her smile had vanished.

It did something to him, seeing her like that. Something clenched in his stomach. Something was just _wrong_.

“Hey..none of that.” He remarked, smiling at her. “It's a good memory. One of the best that I have with him.”

“Really?” He heard the doubt creeping in her tone. It made his heart clench. She had told him that she had had issues believing people when she was younger. Something about being teased by her classmates because she believed anything they said.

He didn't want her to feel like he would ever lie to her. He turned to her.

“Yeah, really,” He said and saw her eyes brighten, a small smile appearing on her face again.

He grinned.

  


-:-

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

_Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that_

_-:-_

  


The spot they had found to camp was perfect.

It was by the lake shore, surrounded by trees, there was a small wooden picnic table with benches and there was enough space to park the car and set the tent.

All in all, they had been very lucky to find it; since it was Spring Break, she had thought that they might not find a place to stay.

Fortunately, this was not their case..

Setting the tent had been easy too. Mostly thanks to Leo that got it standing in ten minutes.

They opted to take a walk out of the camp and to the line of shops they had seen coming in: hours in the car had cramped their legs.

As they walked, she noticed how the camp was fairly empty. She could only see a few tents, hiding behind some trees.

“There aren't many people here, are they?” She voiced out as they approached the entrance.

“No, I noticed that too.” Leo agreed. His gaze averted to a board sign and went to read it. She followed suit when she saw the camp's guardian approach him. He was a ruddy man with a rather loopy walk.

“Those are all the rules for the summer, kid,” The man drawled. “There are only four sites occupied now: as long as you don't make a mess and don't bother anyone at night, you're free to do the hell you want.”

“Oh, great.” Leo said, slanting a glance at her. She fought a smile.

“Is it always this empty during Spring Break, sir?” She asked.

“Sure thing, kid. No one comes here in this season. They're all off for the beach, hot places. Not a lake that's still freaking freezing, in a town that just has one pub. It's the summer that livens this place up. Only folks that get here now are nostalgic families..or couples.” He eyed her and Leo knowingly.

She felt a blush surge up to her face.

“We should be going..” She heard Leo say, voice forcibly calm. “Thank you for your time.”

He walked off and she was right behind him. She glanced at him and saw that his nape was a flaming red.

This was turning into quite a habit now.

People presumed they were a couple and the two of them would just blush or deny. Or both.

She really didn't know how to feel about it. She really hadn't given much thought to this before. Leo was her friend.

Her best friend. Her _first_ friend.

In the past two years, Leo had always been by her side, behaving both as a friend and as a surrogate brother.

But she did realize that she had been noticing him more and more in the past months. It wasn't just because of the attention he attracted and the comments that she heard.  Even now, she could see more than a female gaze linger on him. It was probably because of the way the setting sunlight hit his hair, making it look bronzed and his eyes looked a deeper blue..

She just noticed him better...and she had to admit that Leo was..well.. cute.

Yes, Leo Fitz was cute.

And a little voice in the back of her head, completely unheard before, was telling her to just step forward and see what would happen.

But she couldn't do this, could she?

Yes, she cared for Leo..but more? Being a couple?

This was Leo, her friend. The boy that cradled her when she cried with homesickness and had offered to let her use _his_ travelling allowance to go home alone.

The boy with whom she watched films and TV series almost every night, that shared her passion for fantasy books and Disney classics. The boy who disliked horror films because he was squeamish but loved sci-fi ones.

She cared for him. A lot.

And she wouldn't do anything to risk this ( _them_ ) without being extremely sure of what she was doing.

A couple, _them_? What was she thinking?

She shook her head, smiling to herself for her silliness and walked ahead of him, looking back at him. He was still a bit pink on the face.

“We should buy some beer.” She announced. He arched a brow at her.

“Planning on getting drunk?” He asked airily. She rolled her eyes at him.

“Well.. We are free to do the hell we want,” she quoted the camp guardian, faking an American accent. He snorted and she grinned.

They had both discovered, during their post graduation ceremony party, that they had a rather high tolerance to alcohol, surprising most -if not _all_ \- the other students and friends there.

“So?” She asked.

He looked at her and pulled out his wallet, plucking two cards and grinned back. Her grin widened.

“Oh… Someone was expecting this moment.” She eyed the fake IDs that he had made weeks ago. They were an exact replica of their British IDs...with the exception of the birth dates.

“I know _someone_ that complained about the ridiculousness of being of age but not being able to even order a beer here in America,” He smirked. “I had to be prepared for this trip.” He approached her, handing her the ID he made for her. “Shall we?”

She nodded.

 

-:-

_There's no need to worry when you see just where we're at_

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

-:-

  


They spent the evening in front of a campfire, trading memories of old camping trips with their families as they ate and drank a beer each.

Jemma let out a peal of laughter as he told her about his father's disastrous attempt to teach him fishing: he never for the life of him could get a live bait on a hook or unhook a fish by it's lips. Let's not even talk about when he was told to help clean the fish. He had never run away faster.

“Oh, Leo.. I learned how to clean a fish when I was little too,” She teased. “Were you really squeamish from that age?”

“Of course, I was!” He protested mockingly, “Not all of us our bloody brilliant, genius biologists in the making.”

He thought he saw a blush on her face before she laughed but he probably had mistaken the fire's reflection on her face...

It was a clear night and the sky was filled with stars, an astronomical map lay flat above them with a half moon peeking from a corner. Astronomy was a common fascination they had. They knew the basics since it was out of their fields of study but something about the Universe and the possibility of alien life fascinated them. He wondered about advanced technologies and machines. Jemma imagined other forms of life and ecosystems. They had spent countless hours discussing it.

He had thought to lay their sleeping bags out and just stay there for a while, star gazing but quickly changed his mind when he noticed how damp the ground was with humidity.

Jemma suggested to put the bags on the car's hood and just lay there until they were sleepy. He agreed and there they were, lying next to each other and looking up, trying to identify constellations or planets first.

“That's Cancer,” He said, pointing to a set of stars on his right. He looked at her and saw her tracing the stars with her finger from her position.

“Yes.” She conceded and looked up. “We're at a tie: three each.”

“Just because you _say_ that you saw Virgo when I did.”

“ _I did!_ ” She swatted his arm and he chuckled.

He watched as she huffed and searched the sky with her eyes. There was a little line that slowly eased on her forehead as the frown disappeared. Her eyes were shining under the moonlight.

He was noticing many things about her lately and it confused him. Confused him like nothing else before.

He had never had friends before Jemma: Bryce had taken care of that. Being in the same school as his elder brother (who blatantly hated him) since he had skipped three grades had been the bane of his childhood.

He didn't know if these.., feelings towards her were normal. If it was normal for him to stare at her so often or to observe her. To feel protective. To silently agree when others defined her as pretty.

Because, he had to admit it: Jemma Simmons was _very_ pretty.

How had he noticed that only in the last months?

“Leo!” She exclaimed and turned towards him. He blinked and was glad for the darkness that hid the blush that attacked his face as he was caught staring at her.

“What?” He asked, gaze still on her.

She giggled and a flutter crossed his chest.

“Not you.” She said, nudging his elbow with hers and pointing up. “Leo, the constellation.”

“Oh.” He looked up, still dazed. “Where?” He would probably have trouble finding the moon now.

“There.” Jemma reached for his left hand and moved it upwards, to her left. “See that?” Her fingers were wrapped around his wrist, moving it slowly so that his hand drew a shape in the sky.

His entire focus was on her fingers. Delicate and soft against his skin. Small and nimble compared to his larger, callused ones.

How had he _never_ noticed _any_ of this before..?

“See?” She turned to him again and smiled. He felt a tug in his chest again, stronger than before as their hands were still entwined.

He forced himself to look and nodded, swallowing slowly.

“Yes,” He whispered, finally seeing his namesake's constellation. He looked at her and smiled slightly. She looked at him curiously before smiling back, letting his hand free.

They stayed in silence for a few moments, only the steady sound of water and leaves rippling softly from the light breeze getting to them.

“I never really wondered about it before..but why Leo?” Jemma asked out the blue. He turned to her, quickly getting her train of thoughts.

“Oh..well.. Not much of a story actually,” He replied, “Mum told me that she and Dad were still wondering how to name me when she went into labour. They had thought of choosing a name with the letter C but hadn't come up with one yet..”

“C?” Jemma asked with a slight frown. “Oh course! Alison, Bryce..Alphabetical order.”

“Yeah.. quirk of my Dad's. Point is, I came out all ruffled hair, wailing my bloody lungs out and Mum jokingly said that I was a little lion. And Dad liked it. So Leo.”

He still remembered when he asked about this to his parents. He had been in first grade and the teacher had asked to write about their name. Two weeks later he had been moved to third grade.

“Oh..So you broke the linear naming they had planned out?” Jemma teased. He chuckled.

“Not really. My second name's Camden, so the tradition's still there.”

He turned to her and saw her thoughtful look.

“Leo Camden Fitz,” She said and then smiled at him. “It has a nice ring to it.”

“Thank you. What about you? Why Jemma?”

“Oh.. Mum and Dad wanted to get a name that could put their names together but Jeremy and Elaine aren't easy to meld. So they opted for their initials. And then...” He saw her smile quite bashfully. “Mum said that I was her little gem and so they agreed for Jemma.”

He smiled. They had talked about their families and she had mentioned that her mother had had trouble having children and she was something of a miracle for them.

“Second name?”

“Catherine. Also a C.”

“Jemma Catherine Simmons.” He let the name roll on his tongue. “It has a nice ring to it.”

She smiled at him and he grinned back.

 

_-:-_

_And fools rush in_

_And I've been the fool before_

_This time I'm gonna slow it down_

_'Cause I think this could be more_

_The thing I'm looking for_

_-:-_

  


They had crawled into the tent late and got up late too. Rather than losing the morning, they opted to have brunch and then go off for a tour of the town and park.

They spent most of the day walking around, admiring the view of the lake from some hills nearby and going through the little town, managing to buy some little gifts and memoirs as well.

They had taken dozens of photos with their phones and Leo's camera.

They were back at the camp by the evening and after a quick shower in the common bathroom, they opted to have dinner and then go to an open pub they had previously seen.

  


They walked to the pub and she scooted closer to Leo as a light wind came up. She had put on a blouse with a thin boat-neck sweater over her jeans and converse. Somehow she still felt a little chilly. It was probably also due to the beers she had drunk: the option was to drink them tonight or take them back to their dorm as they left tomorrow. They opted to not have any extra luggage and drank two bottles each.

Leo must have noticed her shiver because he turned to her, blue eyes concerned.

“Are you cold?” He asked and was ready to take off his MIT hooded sweater but she stopped him.

“No, it's just the wind..and the beers I think. I'll just walk closer to you and steal some warmth, alright?” He snorted.

“Come on.” He held out his arm and she looped hers around it.

“Thank you,” She whispered. He just smiled back.

When they got to the pub, they didn't expect to find it full. There were groups of people, mostly students of nearby institutes, she noticed by the logos on their clothing or bags. There was also loud music coming from a radio set on the counter and some people were also dancing.

“Looks lively in here..” Leo commented, taking a seat at a table.

“Quite.” She replied, looking around. She found herself humming along the tune that was blasted from the radio. She eyed Leo and he arched a brow.

“Don't even think about it.” He said. She smiled slightly.

“Come on.. Just one dance.”

“No.”

“ _Leo_..” She knew that he would never resist to that little whining tone she could make. And he was aware of that too. He dragged a hand across his face and day's scruff.

“I need another beer first.” She grinned.

“That's easily fixable.” She gestured to one of the waiters and gave her order before turning to him with a smile. “There: two pints are coming.”

Leo stared at her, his gaze suddenly unreadable. Again. She swallowed dryly wondering why this particular look made her feel so uncomfortable. It was an odd feeling: a sort of warm twist in her stomach.

“Are you planning on getting drunk?” He asked with a teasing tone. His eyes were clear again.

“No.”

Are you planning on getting _me_ drunk then? Should I worry?” She swatted his arm.

“No, you prat. I just want you to have fun.”

“I'm having plenty of fun without dancing.”

“Come on, Leo..”

“Just one dance though.”

“You are the best.” He snorted and was about to reply when the waiter arrived with their beers.

They took the bottles and gently clinked them together.

“Cheers.” They said together and drank. The cold liquid landed in her stomach leaving a warm flare there. She soon realized that her high tolerance for alcohol was more a high self-control: whenever she felt that little fuzzy feeling, her mind would sharpen, her senses were more keen and she would try to calm the reaction,calming herself drinking water if necessary.

“Anyway.. you're getting too used into bribing me into dancing,” Leo stated, after a while. She saw his easy smile and knew that he was getting a bit drunk too.

“Well, since you tend to accept when I ask, I suppose it's not a bribe. I'm not forcing you.” He eyed her. “Not quite,” She giggled. “At least, it's contemporary music this time. Not some waltz.”

She had convinced Leo to dance with her once in the dorm room after she had re-read a passage in a Jane Austen novel. She had always wanted to try waltzing but never had the chance and having Leo there gave her the perfect opportunity. He was probably the only one to know about her passion for Austen.

He chuckled softly.

“Come on..” He said standing up. “Let's do it before I drink more and probably embarrass myself.”

He held out a hand, quite uncharacteristic of him, and she smiled as she took it and they headed to the dance floor.

She liked the feeling of his hand in hers. His hands were larger, rougher and slightly callused after working and tinkering with machines all the time. They were warm and she liked holding them. It had happened occasionally before but never like this: he had never been the first to start the contact.

She felt a blush spread on her face when she realized that they were both drunker than they had thought...

Leo pretty much swayed on the spot while she moved a bit more, hips rocking to the beat and laughing a bit as he shot her an amused smile. They were standing close to each other, not touching but it was enough for her to catch a whiff of his cologne and of mint.

Leo was staring at her, blue eyes slightly clouded by a soft look that she couldn't identify.

Her heart thumped oddly, loudly in her chest.

He did this often lately: to just stare for a moment. She wondered if he was wondering about them as much as she did.. Pondered the eventual possibility...

The song ended and they stood there for a moment before he stepped forward, closer to her so that she could hear him.

“I'm going to get a glass of water.” He whispered in her ear. She fought down a shiver as his warm breath hit her. What was happening to her? “You want something?”

She took a small breath to calm herself and shook her head. He looked at her curiously and nodded.

“See you at the table then..” He smiled and took off while she walked to their table.

As she sat down, her gaze went to him, standing by the counter. She watched as the waitress approached him and smiled at him. She saw him blush at something the woman said, ducking his head, a bashful smile making its way on his face.

She couldn't ignore the little stab of annoyance she felt. Couldn't ignore the sudden desire to stand up and walk over to Leo and.. what? Do what?

She shook her head: she was _really_ drunker than she thought.

She and Leo were friends and she had no right to just stop him from talking to another girl. Even though they had walked in there together, arms linked, it didn't mean they _were_ together.

They were friends...right?

She averted her gaze and looked around the pub.

  


-:-

  


He felt his face flush but didn't say a word to the teasing waitress who had just called him 'Blue eyed darling'. He drained his glass of water at the counter and walked off to the table where Jemma was.

He felt the water bring some clarity to his brain and it was very much needed. He had had odd thoughts on the dance floor. Thoughts that had involved Jemma and a proximity that wasn't really suitable for two friends.

He had caught her looking at him, staring more than once in these days. He wondered if she had been just as confused as he was. They were always in sync, perfectly matching their thoughts and emotions most of the time: it wouldn't surprise him if she knew what he mulled about.

He didn't know how he could have this conversation with her.

They were friends and talking about a possibility of being more.. Even thinking about it loudly with her would mean changing something between them.

It could change their friendship and he wasn't brave enough to do that. Not when he was so confused about his emotions towards her.

And not now that his brain was addled with alcohol.

He looked up and saw Jemma looking at some point of the pub. Out of curiosity, he followed her gaze and felt a jolt of annoyance when he saw some guy looking at her with an easy smile.

He traced his stare back at her and saw a small, hesitant smile on her face.

Annoyance turned to..he didn't know any more. It just filled him up and he only felt the need to leave the place.

Alone.

He came to the table and Jemma looked up at him. Her smile broadened and fell instantly. He realized that his face was probably giving away whatever inner turmoil he was having.

“What's wrong?” She asked, standing up. He shook his head.

“Nothing.” He said curtly. His own voice seemed fake to him: he knew that she could hear that too. “You can stay if you want.”

“What?” She looked at him in confusion. He jerked his head to his right.

“He might want to talk to you.”

Jemma looked at him in bewilderment, turning to her side and then to him again.

“Whatever are you talking abou-?” He didn't give her a chance to talk and left his part of the bill on the table.

“See you later.” He just turned and walked off.

  


-:-

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

_Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that_

_There's no need to worry when you see just where we're at_

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

-:-

  


She watched Leo's retreating figure, her brain hardly able to understand what had happened.

She quickly put her hand in her jeans' pocket, fishing out her money. She had barely left the notes on the table when someone approached her.

She looked up and saw the boy from the table opposite her. The one that had smiled.

He was still smiling. Tall, black hair and dark eyes. All in all, good looking.

She couldn't think of _anything_ but Leo.

Her heart was pounding in her ears and the thought that he could have just left her behind like that. That he had just assumed that she...

“Excuse me...” She said to the stranger and ran out of the pub.

  


-:-

  


He had barely reached the road outside the pub when he skidded to a stop. The cool air and the few steps had managed to calm whatever rage had taken over him.

  


What the _hell_ was he doing?

  


He couldn't just leave Jemma there alone.

Not in a place that they barely knew and with someone that she didn't even know.

He was being senseless. His feelings were just messing with his mind.

He took a deep breath and turned back to the pub, ready to walk back in and apologize to Jemma when she appeared at the entrance.

He stood there, still, and watched as she approached him. She walked slowly, cautiously and when she was close enough, he saw her face clearly.

And his heart just lurched.

She looked lost.

Last time she looked like that, she had been overtaken by homesickness and had cried in his arms. He really didn't know what he would do if she started crying now.

Seeing her fragile side now would just jumble his feelings again.

“Jemma.. I'm sorry,” He said quickly. “I'm just not feeling well. I probably drank too much and-”

  


“Don't lie.”

  


He stopped talking, stunned by the harsh hint in her usually gentle voice. He stared at her as she approached him and when they were inches apart, she spoke again, this time more calmly.

  


“Don't lie, Leo,” She whispered. “You can decide to not tell me what all that was about. Ignore what has happened and talk about else. Do _anything_... But don't lie to me. Please.”

She walked past him and he saw that her eyes were glassy. Something in his chest just broke at that sight.

  


-:-

  


They walked in silence, side by side, towards the camp site. The underlying tension between them was so gapingly evident that she wondered how they could overcome it.

It didn't help that she felt tears prickle her eyes.

She didn't expect Leo to just lie to her before. She would have expected him to stammer an apology without giving any explanation. To avert his gaze and act as though nothing happened.

It would have annoyed her, yes, but it wouldn't have stabbed her in the chest as hearing him lie.

She trusted him too much: he didn't know how little it could take for him to just shatter her to pieces. He didn't realize much she depended on him.

She took a long shuddering breath and wrapped her arms around herself. She felt Leo's eyes on her again but she didn't dare to look at him.

She wasn't in her right mind to confront him.

So she started in surprise when she felt something warm draped on her. It was Leo's hooded sweater. She looked up at him and his eyes met hers for a second before shifting away.

She had caught a mixture of emotions in them.

“I'm sorry, Jemma,” He whispered, looking in front of him. “I'm just..confused. I'm trying to deal with it but I'm having trouble finding a..solution.” His voice was forcibly calm.

She stared at him and he glanced at her again: his eyes exposed a vulnerability that broke her heart.

The last time he had looked like this, he had been talking about his father on the anniversary of his death. That day he just spilled out all about his family and his fear to get attached to people.

She was fully aware of what his confusion was about. It was hers too.

She ignored the thud in her chest and nodded, unsure if he would see her movement and kept walking.

  


-:-

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

_Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that_

-:-

  


When they came to their camp site, he immediately walked to the car and got out two water bottles. He needed to clear his head, get it to be less blurred and more focused. He drained half a bottle quickly.

He had to stop himself from doing anything irrational like walking away from his best friend after seeing a random guy smiling at her.

He closed the car and looked up. Jemma was standing in front of the car, leaning on the hood, watching the lake.

He raked a hand through his hair and sighed. He had to fix this.

He couldn't stand being next to her in tense silence as it had been during their walk back here.

  


But whatever was he going to say?

He didn't have a clue of what was going on with him..

  


He walked to her slowly, carrying a bottle of water as a peace offering. She didn't acknowledge his presence until he leaned on the hood too. At that point, she glanced at him for a moment and then looked away. He watched the moonlight play with her eyes and the shadows of her face.

He swallowed dryly and offered her the bottle.

“Here,” He whispered and nearly sighed in relief when she took it. He didn't know what it would have done to him if she had ignored him now.

They didn't speak and just stayed there in silence. It wasn't the comfortable silence that would usually surround them: the one they shared when they studied or read or when they just didn't talk and liked to stay there in each other's company.

He felt dread course through his veins as he nervously drummed his fingers on his jeans, thumb toying with a frayed end of his tee-shirt as his old trainers' heels sunk deeply in the dirt.

Of course he had to go and ruin everything. It had been too good to be true.

This week had been one of the best of life.

He had never gone anywhere with a friend. Never had someone that would bother staying with him the whole time. Never had someone that would bother to know him better.

Jemma was different. Always had been. From the start.

From the moment she thought that the lanky teenager sitting on a park bench opposite London's Educational Department was worth a talk and smile. Before knowing that he was another recipient of the MIT scholarship. Before knowing that he would be her roommate.

She had entered his life liked that, without any preamble or announcement and had stayed. For more than two years, Jemma had _stayed_ by his side.

The mere thought of losing her made something shatter inside him.

He tightened his fist against his jeans.

  


“What's going on, Leo?”

  


He turned to her abruptly: she hadn't said a word since they walked away from the pub. Jemma was looking at him, hands clutching the sleeves of his sweater against her arms, her eyes shining under the moonlight and hair falling over her shoulders.

He felt something catch in his throat as he looked at her.

“I..” He didn't know what to say. He felt as though his head was made of gelatin: thoughts meshed together without any coherent order.

He might be drunker than he thought...

Jemma stared at him, before heaving herself up to sit on the car's hood and started toying with the water bottle in her hand.

“I.. I didn't mean to be so harsh to you before.” She whispered. “I was just surprised..and hurt when you walked away and then you were standing there, obviously making up an excuse and I just-”

“I'm sorry,” He blurted out and she looked up, eyes wide. He sighed and sat next to her, shoulder barely brushing hers. He kept his hands on his jeans, fingers still fidgeting a little. “I didn't mean to lie to you. It's only..” He sighed and looked at her with a wry smile. “Confusing.”

She bit her lip.

“You looked angry,” She remarked. He shook his head.

“I was annoyed.”

“Annoyed?” Her tone was doubtful but he didn't say anything. He knew that he wasn't just annoyed. And he knew that she knew that as well.

He had been jealous.

Voicing that would mean admitting that his affection for her was deeper than friendship. Much more deeper. And as much as he cared for Jemma, he wasn't sure if his feelings _were_ that deep.

“Annoyed,” He repeated and looked at her.

She stared at him for a moment and he was sure that he saw a hint of a smile on her face.

“I-I might have been slightly annoyed too..before,” She remarked airily. His eyes widened.

“What?”

“When you walked to the counter..”

He raked through his mind and suddenly remembered the waitress teasing him.

 _Oh_.

She had been _annoyed_ by that.

“Oh..” He said. She glanced at him before looking up at the sky.

“You're not the only one that is confused, Leo.” Her whisper reached his ear.

“I might have noticed that...” He replied softly.

“I suppose it was bound to happen..sooner or later. People always assumed that we were together. Our families joke about it the whole time.” She nudged his shoulder with her shoulder

He snorted and looked at her. She was smiling softly.

It was oddly reassuring that they could talk about this so easily. He gave the merit (and the blame) to the alcohol in their system: somehow their inhibitions were lower and their perceptions was higher at the same time.

“Does it bother you?” He asked, confessing a secret fear that lingered ever since they met.

“What?” She looked at him in confusion.

“Doesn't it bother you to be associated to me?” He smiled wryly at her surprised expression. “You're brilliant and-” He stopped himself from saying pretty. It seemed that he _still_ had a bit of rationality in him. “-and so much more. So what would you see in plain old me?”

“Don't be silly, Leo,” She said, moving forward and clasping his hand with hers. “You're one of the  brightest people I know and have so many good qualities.” He smiled, feeling an odd warmth surge in his stomach and chest. He caught a hint of her lavender shampoo, liking the delicate scent as she drew closer to him “How could anyone not want to be associated to you?”

“I wouldn't know. You're the only one that currently is.”

He didn't know where this teasing tone had come out from him or why he said this loud but the light blush on Jemma's cheeks made him smile.

It had to be the alcohol...

  


-:-

_There's no need to worry when you see just where we're at_

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

-:-

  


She fought the blush on her cheeks but failed miserably as Leo smiled.

It had to be the alcohol...

Otherwise she wouldn't be smiling back now, feeling oddly warm. Confusion switched to curiosity.

The analysis of eventual pros and cons disappeared from her mind.

It was _definitely_ the alcohol.

She let the water bottle slide from the hood to the ground with a muffled thud and let her now free hand go up to Leo's face, brushing off some stray curls from his eyes, her other hand still holding his hand on his knee.

She smiled again when he blushed.

“Jemma..”

“Hmm..?”

He was staring at her. Their faces were close now, less than a palm away. His eyes were a deep blue now: she liked that shade of colour.

“What are we doing?” He asked and she felt him entwine his fingers with hers.

“I wouldn't know..” She replied. “My brain's a bit-”

“-fuzzy.” He completed. She smiled at him and he grinned. “Glad to know that it's not just me then..”

“No..it's not just you.” She was having a hard time concentrating on anything but his smile. His eyes. His lips. “We're just inebriated..”

He grinned and turned slightly so that he could move his other hand. He gently tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear, leaning forward as he did so.

“I'd say that we're pretty sloshed actually,” He whispered. His fingers brushed gently against her cheek. The gentleness in his eyes made her heart thud harder in her chest.

She moved forward just when he did.

  


-:-

  


Her lips were soft. Warm.

It was the only thing he felt. His ears were filled with the steady beat of his heart and he closed his eyes when he saw Jemma do the same.

In the darkness, he could only take in the scent of lavender and Jemma's warm breath against his lips. He didn't know how much of this he would remember tomorrow because his brain was _truly_ fuzzy now but he wanted to engrave the memory somewhere.

His first kiss to his best friend. His first friend.

He smiled.

  


-:-

  


She felt him smile against her lips and opened her eyes. Leo's blue eyes were fixed on her and she smiled softly, moving her lips away from his.

Her first kiss to her best friend. She really couldn't ask for something better..

She nudged her nose against Leo's, earning another smile from him.

“That was..nice,” She whispered.

“Yeah..” He said softly.

She slowly trailed her nose down his jawline and giggled quietly.

“What?” He whispered, tipping her chin up with his hand. He looked adorably confused.

“Your chin.. It's itchy,” She replied, proving the point by taking his hand in hers and going through his scruff with both.

“Oh..well..” He laughed. “I would have shaved if I had known..” She laughed with him.

They stayed like that for a while, her head nestled between his neck and shoulder. His head resting on hers.

They watched the lake in a silence that was more comfortable now. She couldn't believe that they had almost been fighting hours ago.

“We should go to sleep,” She remarked after a while. Her mind was still feeling blurry but she could sense some normality seeping back.

“Yes.” Leo moved slowly, allowing her to sit straighter. “We have to pack up and leave early tomorrow.”

She slid off the car hood and picked up the fallen water bottle, taking a few sips.

“I'm kind of sad that this week is almost over.” She confessed. “I don't remember having so much fun on a vacation.”

Leo looked at her, eyes lingering for a few moments before he smiled.

“It was one of the best weeks of my life.” He said and she smiled broadly.

She realized that she was still wearing his hooded sweater and slowly shrugged it off. She approached him,giving it back.

“Thank you.” She said softly.

“You're welcome.”

She didn't move away: there were inches between them and they weren't touching at all but she could feel the warmth coming from him.

“Are we alright, Leo?” She asked slowly. He looked at her.

“Of course, Jemma,” He replied with a smile. “We're best friends.”

She smiled.

  


-:-

  


When they got up in the morning, it was as though nothing had happened. They packed and prepared for the trip back to MIT.

They didn't talk about that one shared, chaste kiss. They didn't mention their conversation about their not-so-defined feelings.

It was a secret. Known to both and somehow unspeakable.

  


Maybe it was too early now. They would be able to talk about these feelings at some point.

Not now.

 

-:-

_Just please don't say you love me_

_'Cause I might not say it back_

-:-

  


_Not yet._

_-:-_

 

**Author's Note:**

> So..I hope you liked this.. I'm worried that I hurried up at the end but I'll let you guys tell me.


End file.
